The discouragement has been coming in waves, and each time the wave comes I try to brace myself, but it is a struggle to keep my footing. I have been running my race, and it feels like I am wearing weights. I have been heavy and slow, and today quitting seemed easier.
The temptation to quit was stronger than I can ever remember. I was not just discouraged, but I was mad. Plain mad. But mad-me, hot-mess-me, or blatantly-honest-me can’t scare God away even if me wanted to.
I understood for the first time what it means when the Bible says, “The battle is the Lord’s.” I did not have anything left in me to keep fighting, but God would not let me stay down for the count.
He urged me on with love and strength and truth. He would not relent. He spurred me on through a friend who is bold and hears from God and does not mince words, but speaks words of truth right to my soul. And I felt God urging me on “Get up. You got this,” while He battled for me.
I cried to my husband. We sat on the edge of the bed, and it all poured it out. I told him my fears and my frustrations. “It costs too much to mean nothing. I need to know this labor and the price is worth it.” I cried and he prayed and he wanted to offer more words, but gave me his shoulder instead. And, I felt God urging me on, “You can do this,” while He battled for me.
Shortly after, I made my way to my desk and opened my laptop seeking something mind-numbing. I clicked a link to a post that showed up in my Facebook newsfeed. After a few random-not-so-random clicks, I happened to discover an article I needed in that moment. And I felt God urging me on, “Keep going,” while He battled for me.
I was really looking for an article that featured Reese Witherspoon, but instead I found “What to do When You Want to Give Up”. Yes, I needed that more after the day I had.
“Our dreams are seeds, and we need to keep watering them even if it feels as though they will never grow, even if it seems as though towering trees nearby are over-shadowing them.” — Jena Lee Nardella
Yeah, thanks for that. But here’s the thing. Those towering trees often make me think trying is pointless. Those towering trees make me think, “Why bother. They are already doing what I want to do, and doing it well. What difference would it make if I do it, too?”
The towering trees will tell you it matters, but I have a hard time receiving it from trees who are already so tall, stout, and dangling fruit. Honestly, I think, “Well that’s easy for you to say.”
So, from seedling to seedling, I am telling you it matters! I know it does. It is hard to see or understand, but it matters. It matters if you hold back what only you can give. It matters if you ignore the call inside of you. It matters if you quit, and the world misses out on you.
Remember the One who called you in the first place. Remember He wants to co-labor with you. Remember you do not have to this alone. Remember it is impossible to please Him without faith and answering your call will require faith. Remember faith is brave, because faith is not living by what you see, but rather what you don’t.
Do not quit. Do not give up. If you do, you will miss something beyond your wildest dreams. What is waiting for you on the other side of this is infinitely beyond your highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams — far over and above all that you dare ask or think. Yes, God said that. And it is because of His power that is at work within you, that He is able to carry out His purpose through you.
God is urging us on, friends. We can do this.
You just finished reading day 10, an unplanned, but necessary part of the Deliberate series.